When romantic Mary meets Monty, handsome heir to a stately pile, happiness seems assured. But as the mansion crumbles, passion wanes.

          Banker’s wife Beth swaps Notting Hill for weekends at a bijou cottage. They only offered a smidgeon over the asking price. So why don’t the locals like them?

          Eco-hag Morag is the terror of the village. She hates incomers, four-wheel drives, slug pellets and anyone between her and absolute power.

          Alexandra needs a footballer’s mansion – fast. There must be a Hello!-tastic palace with pool, gym, champagne bar and helipad somewhere?

          When these four face each other in a struggle over sex, power and money – not to mention allotments – village life is never the same again.